Back in Session: Talking to your Kids about School and the Anxiety it Brings

As the new school year looms, your home is probably filled with more heightened emotions: excitement, anxiety, maybe even dread? Every kid has different feelings about school and they aren’t always positive. Your kid may be asking themselves these questions:

boy bullied in classroom

“What if I don’t make friends?”

“What if nobody likes me?”

“How will I have time for all my homework?”

“What if I’m not good enough?”

These questions bring about intense emotions and as a parent, it’s hard to know the right thing to say as the new year approaches. Especially for a child who’s struggled in the past with school, this next step is anxiety-inducing for the whole family. If your child is experiencing severe anxiety about returning to school, our Child Therapy services can provide professional support and coping strategies tailored to your child’s needs

So however your kid feels about school starting, here are some helpful ways you can support them:

Be Curious

Whether your child is an open book or giving you one word answers, they need to know you’re a safe space. Start asking questions about the school year: “How do you feel about seeing your friends again?” or “which class are you most excited about?” or “which class are you most nervous about?” By asking questions, you not only normalize the conversation but your questions can help them better understand their emotions.

mom and son sit on floor together
mom comforts son

Validate their Emotions

This is so important. Although your instinct may be to dismiss their concerns or jump into problem-solving, listen to them and meet them where they are. 

In moments of heightened emotion amongst an uncertain future, your child just needs to be heard. Reassure them that whatever they’re feeling is okay and that you’re on the same team. 

Once they know you are walking alongside them, you can begin to take steps together as a team to address their (and your) anxiety:

Ease into Routine

A lot of school anxiety comes from the unknown. A great tool is to identify those unknowns and get to know them. For example, your child may be anxious about being dropped off at school. If this is the case, start your mornings with a ride to drive by the school. Repeating this day after day before school starts gives them a little control over what to expect in those first few moments of the day.

girl holds up shirt on hanger

Take Baby Steps

Baby steps go a long way.  If your kid is nervous about making friends, find a friend on their class list to set up a summer playdate with. This ensure they know at least one person going into the new year. Or if they want to avoid school prep, start by letting them pick out one outfit for the first day of school. Instead of doing everything all at once, ease them into the new year one step at a time.

Create a Support System

You’ve spent the summer with your child and it can be scary for both of you to leave them on their own for a whole day. But there are school professionals that will advocate for and support your child – find them! Most are open to having a meeting before the school year to get to know your kid and understand what they’re feeling. This connection will help you feel supported both at home and in school.

young girls play with teacher

Celebrate the Small Victories

Anxiety often rears its head when we look so far into the future. The unknown of the future is where we fear our mistakes and anticipate failures; but celebrating small victories can help your child stay present. If they’re nervous about making friends, celebrate the one new friend that they did meet the first day. Or if they have a history of school avoidance, celebrate when they stay at school for a whole day; even the fact that they left the house to go to school.

There are so many complex emotions that appear when school starts up – expect your kid to feel quite a few of them! And while you can’t fix their problems for them, you can walk hand in hand with them. Through approaching the school year with confidence and unity as a family, your child can enter the new year with a little more confidence than they’d have on their own.

If you and your family are having trouble with back to school anxiety, feel free to connect with a member of our team today!