When a child begins questioning their gender identity, it can be an emotional journey for everyone involved. Parents and kids alike are learning more about the diversity and language surrounding gender identity and how it applies to their own experience. In adolescents, these questions of gender are specifically prevalent as they explore their unique identity, leading young families into new conversations and uncharted territory.
At Decade2Connect, we have a number of parents come to us with questions surrounding their child’s gender identity, the number one question being: “how do I support my child?” There is so much nuance in these conversations and no matter where you fall, it’s likely – especially if you found this blog – your number one goal is to support your child. So if your child is walking through questions of gender identity, check out some tips on where to begin understanding and support:
Listen without Judgement
The most important thing you can do for your child is to listen. Gender identity can be a deeply personal and complex experience, and your child may need time and space to fully express their thoughts and feelings. When they talk, let them share without interruption or judgment. Avoid rushing to solutions or labeling their experience. Instead, ask open-ended questions that show you’re there to understand, not to challenge or invalidate their feelings.
What to say: “Thank you for sharing this with me. I’m here to listen and learn.”
What to avoid: Dismissing their feelings or suggesting it’s “just a phase.”
If you don’t yet understand, or even agree, listening is the most effective tool in seeking to understand your child’s experience.
Educate Yourself
Gender identity is complex and looks different for every individual. It can range from your child choosing to change their pronouns to changing their outward appearance to reflect the gender with which they identify. Take time to educate yourself on the terminology and experiences around gender diversity. Terms like “non-binary,” “genderqueer,” “gender fluid,” and “transgender” may be new, but learning their meanings will help you better understand what your child may be experiencing.
Tip: Check out resources like The Gender Unicorn or The Trevor Project for easy-to-understand information.
Create a Safe Space
Your home should be a safe haven for your child. This means fostering an environment that respects their exploration of their identity and ensuring that other family members or peers also respect their journey. Be mindful of how gender is discussed in your home and encourage others to do the same. Small changes, like using your child’s preferred name and pronouns, can make a big difference in their sense of acceptance.
If your child faces rejection or hostility from outside the home, remind them that they are loved and valued for who they are. It’s crucial they know they always have your support.
- What to do: Gently correct others who may misgender your child and ensure they feel comfortable at family gatherings or public spaces.
- What to say: “What pronouns would you like me to use for you?” and “I’m proud of you for being true to yourself.”
Find Community Support
The biggest risk for a child exploring their gender identity is loneliness. Conversations can still be taboo and support is not readily accessible. But there is support available. Many community and mental health centers have support groups available, offering both education and community for families going through a similar process. At Decade2Connect, our families find relief in the community our IOP program creates. They find immense value in having other parents who understand what they’re experiencing, as well as adolescents who are sharing a similar experience. Community support is crucial for adolescents and parents alike as you face the range of emotions that comes with this transition.
Tip: Organizations like PFLAG offer excellent resources and community support for parents and families of LGBTQ+ individuals.
Be Patient
Above all else, your child needs to know that your love for them is unwavering. Be patient as they navigate their feelings, and reassure them that no matter how their gender identity unfolds, your love and support will remain constant.
This is a journey for both of you, and it may have ups and downs. Your acceptance and patience will help your child build the confidence they need to become their true self.
Supporting a child who is questioning their gender identity requires empathy, open-mindedness, and a willingness to grow together. By listening without judgment, educating yourself, creating a safe space, and seeking support, you can help your child navigate this journey with confidence and self-assurance. Remember, your acceptance is the foundation for their emotional well-being and happiness. For more support, connect with Decade2Connect today!