Understanding Attachment Styles

At Decade2Connect, we are focused on all the relationships in a family system. Every family member is molded by the experiences of their own childhood and that is often reflected in their attachment styles.

Attachment styles refer to the patterns of emotional bonding and connection that individuals develop with their primary caregivers during infancy and early childhood. These attachment patterns are believed to shape how we perceive and engage in relationships throughout our lives.

Three Attachment Styles:

Anxious Attachment: Adults with anxious attachment often experienced inconsistent caregiving in their childhood. They may feel anxious and uncertain about receiving love and attention, leading to a constant need for reassurance and validation.

Avoidant Attachment: Individuals with avoidant attachment may have had caregivers who were emotionally distant or dismissive of their needs. As a result, they learn to cope by suppressing their emotions and developing self-reliance.

Secure Attachment: Individuals with secure attachment likely had a safe and supportive group of caregivers throughout their childhood. They trust that their needs will be met, leading to a positive sense of self and confidence in forming relationships.

The attachment style we develop in childhood significantly influences our parenting behaviors and strategies. It’s important for you as a parent to be aware of your own attachment style as it can affect how you respond to your child’s emotional needs. So what does each attachment style look like in parenting?

Anxious Attachment Parenting

Parents with an anxious attachment style may struggle with self-doubt and worry about their parenting abilities. They may be overly involved or overprotective, constantly seeking validation from their children. This behavior can lead to difficulties in setting boundaries and fostering independence in their kids.

Avoidant Attachment Parenting

Avoidant parents may have a hard time expressing emotions and affection towards their children. They might prioritize self-sufficiency and independence, which could result in a lack of emotional connection with their kids. Children of avoidant parents may find it challenging to seek comfort and support from their caregivers.

Secure Attachment Parenting

Parents who have a secure attachment style are generally more responsive and attuned to their children’s needs. They provide a safe and supportive environment for their kids, encouraging exploration and independence. Securely attached parents tend to be emotionally available and provide consistent care, leading to a strong bond with their children.

Research has shown that a secure attachment between parent and child is crucial for healthy emotional development and the ability to form stable relationships in the future. But what if that’s not where you are? That’s okay!  As parents, you have can create a secure attachment no matter where you’re coming from, by:

Being Responsive: Respond promptly and empathetically to your child’s needs, whether it’s physical comfort or emotional support.

Setting Boundaries: Establish clear and reasonable boundaries to provide a sense of safety and predictability for your child.

Emotional Availability: Be emotionally present for your child, expressing love, warmth, and affection regularly.

Encouraging Independence: Support your child’s exploration and independence while being available to provide guidance and comfort when needed.

Building Trust: Be consistent in your actions and follow through on promises to build trust with your child.


These are all skills that people can develop, regardless of the attachment style you’re parenting from. Being aware of your attachment style is actually an incredibly helpful tool in understanding yourself better, creating more opportunities for growth and security for your child. 

Parenting is a journey of growth and learning. Your showing up for your child is key in fostering connection and building trust. If you’d like more support as you navigate this parenting journey, connect with a member of our team at Decade2Connect today!

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